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  #221  
Old 08-27-2019, 11:37 AM
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For some, Marriage is like a card game. You start out with 2 hearts and a diamond.
In the end you'll want a club and a spade.
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  #222  
Old 08-29-2019, 06:08 PM
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After getting sick of my dad jokes my daughter locked me out of the house.
I texted her: "Oh pun the door!"
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  #223  
Old 08-30-2019, 02:36 PM
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Dad: Someone here is possessed by an owl.
Son: Who?
Dad: Mhmm, guess we found it.
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  #224  
Old 09-04-2019, 12:11 PM
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The 5 signs of laziness:
1.
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  #225  
Old 09-06-2019, 11:44 AM
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My Grandpa kept warning everybody the Titanic was going to sink...
No one would listen, he kept warning them.
Eventually, they threw him out of the theater.
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  #226  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:11 PM
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irie feeling irie feeling is offline
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What did the skydiver say when his parachute did not open?
Oh chute!!
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My brainwaves are so strong, doctors study them.
Amateur astronomer, bottled shipwright.
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  #227  
Old 09-10-2019, 01:14 PM
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irie feeling irie feeling is offline
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Why do chicken coops only have 2 doors?
If they had 4 doors they would be chicken sedans.
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My brainwaves are so strong, doctors study them.
Amateur astronomer, bottled shipwright.
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  #228  
Old 09-12-2019, 10:43 PM
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What's a mummy's favorite type of music?
Rap.
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Amateur astronomer, bottled shipwright.
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  #229  
Old 09-13-2019, 05:50 PM
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Im allergic to alcohol. When I indulge, I breakout in handcuffs.
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My brainwaves are so strong, doctors study them.
Amateur astronomer, bottled shipwright.
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  #230  
Old 09-17-2019, 03:11 PM
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I think it's weird that we call childbirth "delivery."
It should be called "take out" instead.
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