Life / work after the kids

[757dad]

Originally Posted by gduck

I think it just helps to talk with my wife and know what both our expectations and feelings are so that when the time comes it doesn't explode because one person was thinking one thing and the other thought something else and now it becomes a point of contention.

This seems pretty obvious but it so huge. My wife and I talked a lot with me going back to work. She was going to be around a lot more running her own consulting company, be able to help out, etc.
About 2 weeks after I signed my teaching contract she was offered a position with one of the companies she consulted with. So now she is back to traveling 2 weeks out of the month and the house is already in shambles. We were talking last night about what happens if her job takes off and looks to be a good long term option. We basically agreed that if thats the case I would look for more of a part time option next year (we just have to get to June in 1 piece)
One other thing I noticed was the expectations from the outside that I went back to work. If the situation was reversed and I made what my wife makes, no one would ask when she was going back to work. That is something you just have to tune out and do what is best for you and your family.

[TwoCubs]

Originally Posted by 757dad

One other thing I noticed was the expectations from the outside that I went back to work. If the situation was reversed and I made what my wife makes, no one would ask when she was going back to work. That is something you just have to tune out and do what is best for you and your family.

Yeah, I've gotten that from family, as well. My 50ish neighbor who has been a SAHM since her first was born gets it. No one else seems to. Aside from us needing the money, I would just like to contribute financially.

[gduck]

Originally Posted by Riggs

I always thought as back up I'd be of some use to a Lowe's or Home Depot as twocubs mentioned. Even if you had to start at low wages and crappy hours, I'd think someone like us who have lots of home improvement experience would work well and could move up as you show your worth. The part that I would struggle with would be the constant changing of schedules and working odd disjointed hours. I'm lucky we're doing OK financially, cause I think I'd lose it if some younger manager kept switching my hours when I had things planned with the family. It really is too bad so many people have to put up with that.

I had a friend who went to work at Lowe's because he needed something since the gig he had was burning him out. He didn't last long there simply because it seems switching schedules at the last minute, getting calls saying "Hey, we really need you to come in because no one else can" (which basically means all the typical people we hire are too lazy, or unreliable so we're calling the old guy because generally he's more dependable - and if he declines we just find a reason to let him go and hire another one of those snotty kids). Lots of those big box places really just treat employees as interchangeable/expendable cogs in the great machine. I've worked at a couple of different larger retail outlets and it was always like that. Working for smaller shops was great because they cared a lot more about retention (at least the ones I worked for), but those kind of places are getting harder and harder to find these days.

[irie feeling]

I did a liquor huge chain liquor stor store recently.
I had to set limits:
I ain't counting the money (I got enough headaches),
I'm too old to throw kegs around,
I got not no desire to run the place,
I am available the following days,
I need at least 7 days notice, I'll give you the same courtesy.

[757dad]

Week 3 of back to work. As they say in the food industry we are deep in the weeds here. Just trying to keep our heads above water. Wife is back to traveling 2 weeks out of the month. Honestly if I was working a job that I could give 2 weeks notice and walk away I probably would.

[757dad]

Another holy crap what was I thinking moment in this back to full time working adventure. Here's my advice- if you can afford it and you are good doing it- find a part time job if you want to keep you busy and help out with $$ but that's it. Wife's in DC on business and I get a call this morning from the pediatrician that strep culture from saturday was positive even though rapid strep was negative. So luckily my parents live in the area and my mom was able to take off work and get daughter from school. So by the time I get all prepped to take the next 2 days off, drive to school and get other daughter from after school and to my parents I am a stressed out mess. Basically this has been my life for the last 4 weeks and I have almost a full school year to get through. So this is going to be my venting place because the only people in my life that really get what I am going through are our SAHM friends and I don't feel like complaining to them. I don't want my wife to know how stressed I am b/c the promotion she took is HUGE and something really great for her and us as a family and I don't want her to be worried about things. Its just wow. Oh and as I type this and look around there are loads of laundry that need to be folded, dishes to be done, etc.

[TwoCubs]

We're here for ya'. Yeah, with our extra-needs kids, I probably just need to find a fun part time job.

[Mark B.]

Hang in there 757! Sounds like a mess there for you. Like it was yesterday I remember a contractor who was working at my house a few years ago tell me to "keep doing what you are doing at home with your kids!" after getting of the phone after screaming at his kids who were just old enough to stay at home by themselves and his wife went back to work (for him) even though they did not need her to.

That being said, I plan to get a some kind of job when my daughter becomes a Junior in HS. Nothing too deep.

[Kwak]

There's usually an article that comes around about how stay at home moms have jobs that cover a lot of different disciplines and if the skills they used were compared to "professional" jobs they'd be clearing $70K a year. I submit (with no intent of being sexist) that stay at home dads are different because we handle different types of work because of traditional gender values. Cooking, cleaning, potty training, keeping kids on a schedule falls to us sure, but I wonder how many SAHMs can fix plumbing, repairing furniture, patching holes in walls, changing the oil in the family vehicles or chopping firewood? From what I've heard, not many. That is usually the stuff of the husband's "honey do" list or a call placed to a contractor.

Meanwhile, even if you want to go back to work it's like pushing a boulder uphill. Sure, you can get a "McJob" with part time hours and no benes but if you want a career you're competing for lower level positions if you're out of work for 7 years or so. Unless you've done some freelance or part time work your resume looks pretty weak against even entry level applicants. As for those skills I spoke of in the last paragraph? Good luck with some algorithm trying to interpret the creative writing exercise that your resume has become. If there are no dates or continuity your "hard work" goes in the virtual dust bin.

It really hits home that there needs to be a parent "on call" even after the kids are in school. That's called the "unknown" where you balance your "professional life" with your family - aka the whole reason you stayed home in the first place. Generally (and I admit that this is personal opinion) if a parent is forced to call off regularly it doesn't matter the reason after the third "incident." They're still not being productive and the management is having to repeatedly adjust labor and scheduless to accommodate somebody who's not able to contribute.

Then there's the autism thing that railroaded the traditional family dynamic for my family. By the time my first was 3 years old he was receiving over 24 hours of therapy a week in home, going to a special needs preschool 6 hours a week, receiving 3 hours of specialized therapy a week after school and seeing specialists every 3-6 months for developmental evaluations - and that's the regularly scheduled stuff. Some of you guys are going through the same thing now so you know what I'm talking about. Then you have to throw in the time wasted on phone calls with bureaucrats, advocates, charities and even your local congressman to try and fenangle funding to pay for it all (because it's so freaking expensive that it would require you to work but then who'd take care of the kids?) and competing with other parents doing the same thing. I'm finding that beside my previous skills in my chosen career having either atrophied or becoming outdated anyway.

No, the way I see it - and I'm taking a cue from the new "millenial" generation which is seen as being "lazy" but is still able to generate income - there are new avenues in advertising and self promotion and sharing of ideas and even request funding for them. It's not just taking selfies and doing social media. It's like a new form of networking, so that if you have the vision and can juggle irregular hours and set your own schedule then just as entrepreneurs have always done you can find some way to make do. There's just no safety net or health care and retirement benefits as in "traditional" employment.

I'm not even going to dwell on discrimination though. For year people have complained about the "good old boys" way of getting connections. Now I'm beginning to understand "age discrimination."

[Captain Tuttle]

Kwak you're probably qualified to be an advocate or something